He's gone. | katnipkitkat's Blog

Everything that I complained about him was true. He was wrong for doing all of the things he did. I guess it was wrong of me to wish him dead for it. Now he is. The marriage was a mistake. I was a fool. I don't know, maybe if he never met me he would still be alive now, maybe he would have killed himself sooner. I don't know. When you wish someone dead I guess you don't really honestly think that it will happen. But it has. I am not perfect and I am sorry for the things I have done where I have been in the wrong. But I guess what's done is done and I can't do anything about it now. This life has thrown me a curve ball and now I have to deal. I am not happy. I am sad. I have to stay here on the computer and just type. Just type so I don't go crazy. I am alone here. My family is back in the states. I can only hope my husband's family will be willing to help me for awhile. After everything is settled I will have to sell a lot of things, whether I want to or not and I will have to look for an apartment that is at least half the rent of the place now. Right now my anger and bitterness towards him is gone. I hope it stays gone. I am still broken up about the death of my father years ago. What should be happy memories of him only make me sad because I know they will never happen again. I fear the same will happen with the death of my husband. I will never get into another relationship again, I promise myself that. I just wish that I would go to sleep one night and never wake up.

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